lovabubble

ah... ahhh. ahhhhhh

2009-06-08T16:10:36Z

achooooooooooo

Pigs and Dancers

2009-05-19T08:29:12Z

BIZARRE OCCURRENCE!

I was contacted to be tested for Swine Flu! My name is the same as someone's who was on a "high risk" flight. haha, had to tell them that sadly I had not been overseas but that fortunately, I did not have pig flu.

In other news, Im starting contemporary again. Need to get dancing again.

Fuck

2009-04-16T10:39:24Z

A guy grabbed me incredibly roughly last Fiday night in Subiaco. More demons to face. It was really confrontin. I know that stuff happens with drunken idiots all the time but it knocked me about so badly.

I was walking out of a bar and he actually grabbed me by the wrist, leaned ON me, pushing me against a wall with his other arm across my chest and put his face in my neck/hair so he was breathing on my ear. Then when I went mental and pushed him off he just called me a "psycho bitch" and wandered off.

Done and dusted

2009-04-08T16:53:04Z

I'm seriously considering moing to melbourne. It seems that there's nothing left for me here in Perth. Excpet painful memories, and people who drag me down.

I' done with my family. Although I will miss my little sister. But to be honest I never really see he anyway and this way maybe we could have quality time whenshe came to visit. Plus i love Melbourne. its just so much more interesting than perth (sorry Perf loyals).

A certain ex friend of mine (god that sounds so juvenile), ha raised her head and started slagging me again. So ridiculous. If your readin gthis now, I really dont care what your opinion of me is. I tried to hold out the olive branch, but as usual you've just misconstrued the facts, got an idea in your head, failed to clarify and commenced with the public, covert and internet slagging. Cheers.

So yes... Melbourne. Clean slate. Beautiful.

snappy click?

2009-03-19T05:28:43Z

So I've been asked to pose for two different photographers in the last week, and it is bringing some old *issues* to the surface.

Photoshoot one is for a dance magazine - meaning pointe shoes, leotard and crazy positions (nowhere to hide the pudgie bits that seemingly only I am seeing)

The other is a nude... "artistic" photoshoot. No clothes = no where to hide the scars...

Ive already noticed myself developing an even worse relationship with food. But at the same time maybe it will be helaing.

I tried to get social again last week. I went to a new place (well it's probably been around awhile but I hadn't heard of it) called Devills Pad (sp). It was pretty amazing. Intriguing that somewhere like that is in Perth. Good food (although I mainly just pushed mine around the plate) amazing decor, great atmosphere and fantastic music. There were Austin Powers style GoGo dancers in these cages and they looked like they were having so much fun. I rememeber when dancing used to make me that happy. ahh envy.

Big emo post :(

New Businesses

2009-03-11T01:20:27Z

Everyone I know is starting a small business... maybe I'll jump on the banwagon?

red head?

2009-03-06T02:09:42Z

I wonder if I'd look ok as a red head. I need a change. Maybe like when Ashley Simpson did it??

cyclic

2009-02-17T05:01:10Z

Im starting to feel like my life is cyclic -
Relationship
Relationship breakdown
Confident individualist period (ie, start dancing and going out etc)
Breakdown
rebuild
Start again
...lather, rinse and repeat.

lovabubble @ 2009-02-10T14:57:00

2009-02-10T06:02:30Z

Your result for The Golden Compass Daemon Test...

Boldly Honest Soul

You are a confident, social person, and you love to be the centre of attention. You spend a lot of time sharing your thoughts and opinions with your friends. Some people are hurt or offended by your opinions, but you have a right to express yourself, just like anybody else. If they don't like what you say, they don't have to listen. You aren't going to alter yourself, your behaviour, or hide your opinions to cater to someone else's insecurities.

If you feel threatened by someone, you react immediately. You will defend yourself, your friends, your politics or your values vigourously and emotionally. You might become aggressive, or you might resort to tears, depending on your personal style, but you are never one to just sit back and let things go.

Some people who meet you - especially if they get on the wrong side of you - might think that you are a bit of a crank, due to your tendency towards brutal honesty. Your friends know differently. Underneath that aggressive exterior, you have a lot of heart. You just aren't one to just pretend that things are okay, if they aren't. If you are left on your own for too long, you start to "fade", feeling listless and depressed. A fun night out with your friends will soon bring the spring back into your step. You love physical sensations, like the sound of music pounding in your ears, or the feel of the ground beneath your feet as you run.

Your daemon's form would represent your extroverted nature, your unfettered honesty, and your untamed nature. He or she would probably encourage you to share your opinions, and would praise your honest ways.

Form suggestions:

Hot-blooded Horse, Parrot, Llama, Camel, Canada Goose.

Take The Golden Compass Daemon Test at HelloQuizzy

Its back

2009-02-05T23:47:57Z

So my insomnia's back now Im not just medicating myself into sleep 24/7. Uh, I hate it. Im a deranged tired person all the time. Instead of just a deranged person.

Something hilarious happene the other day. I was talking to a girl I knew from uni and she says: "I dont know how you do it. You're always so put together. I wish I had the kind of assurance in myself that you do". Insane how the outside world perceive me really. Some random came up to me and told me I was beautiful and asked me out to lunch the other day too, and all I could think was that it was some big practical joke and that his friends were hiding round a corner. Which is bullshit, I guess, cos part of me knows that objectively, Im quite pretty. Uh, I dont know.

Holy Crap

2009-02-03T04:43:17Z

I just discovered I like licorice!

god of small things

2009-01-31T08:20:20Z

Thabk God for small mercies... a stranger told me I looked beautiful in the street today, a model scout asked me to do a portfolio (and the 'tiny' fee of $600! Rip off!) and I found $20 on the floor with no-one in sight to claim it...

so whats been happening...

2009-01-27T05:59:01Z

So, as I wrote to a fellow LJer, this is what has been happening...

I had about 4 large things go very wrong. A best mate went to jail, I got incredibly sick (glandular coupled with chronic asthma isnt good), my father decided to get back in contact with mje and then stole money off me while I was sick, and then my kitten got run over. Couldnt really face writing about anything in my life so I resorted to medicated sleep :(

Feeling healthier now but still cant have big long nights out (which is killing me cos thats prrety much, uh WHAT I DO BEST). And am dealing with the other shit....

Carpe Noctum

2009-01-20T05:04:02Z

Well, I'm baaack. Bruised, battered (emotionally) and recovered. But Im back in the land of the living...

What a turn up for the books

2008-11-12T08:13:00Z

Came home from night out (where I PHYSICALLY stopped myself from throwing up but shoving hand over my throat - no more resurgence of old ED thank you) to find ex boyfriend sleeping on doormat. Boyfriend I havent spoken to in, probably over a year...

Boyfriend who left because he said it was "Too hard dealing with all my shit" (My shit being having the crap beaten out of me by someone in my family, and ED and depression). Sleeping on doormat - is this boy.

Why? Well when I awoke him gently with my foot (boot), he explained, very dazedly that he had a big night himself, got drunk, new girlfriend didnt understand him and "the last REAL conversation he remembered having" was with me.

This is dredging up a bit of memories I'd like to keep down. i really was at my worst when I was with him (largely BECAUSE of him I now realise).

Let him inside, made him a coffee, asked about his family... asked about his girlfriend (spewed a little in my mouth while doing so), he asked me if I had "moved on". I said I had a had a relationship since him. He asked if I was in one now. I said no. He gave thi slittle knowing "I knew you werent over me smile". Uh!!! Why didnt I just climb over him and let myself inside. I constantly feel like i NEED something from him. Some RECOGNITION, that what we had together was real. Some JUSTIFICATION for how he treated me. Some VALIDATION of how much I cared (oh god, CARE?) for him...

Fuck.

Just for the record

2008-11-10T15:21:49Z

I know she's young... but I would DEFINITELY sleep with Vanessa Hudgens...

Forever

2008-11-04T09:18:32Z

It still reduces me to tears. I wish there was something I could have done. I'll never stop loving you. You were the only thing that was real and Im never going to feel it again. Im going to spend the rest of my life feeling this hollow. And I have started to accept that in the last 6 years. But god sometimes it hurts.

Tell me why do lovers have to leave
I know it happens all the time
And it's so sad cos this time it's you and me
I know I'm losing you but I just can't believe it baby
Just hold me now just hold me now
Say you'll stay forever
Say the day will never come
Just hold me now just hold me now
Stay this way forever
'cos we've only just begun

Tell me why do feelings have to change
What happened to the love I knew
Felt it fading a little more each day
And so I'm losing you but I can't take the truth no baby

Just hold me now just hold me now
Say you'll stay forever
Say the day will never come
Just hold me now just hold me now
Stay this way forever
'cos we've only just begun

Tell me why do lovers have to leave
I know it happens all the time
And it's so sad cos this time it's you and me
I know I'm losing you but I just can't believe it baby

Just hold me now just hold me now
Say you'll stay forever
Say the day will never come
Just hold me now just hold me now
Stay this way forever
'cos we've only just begun

Purchases

2008-11-01T07:31:01Z

Retail therapy helps - guilt over buying a $300 corset doesnt...

Your heart's a mess...

2008-10-21T14:39:59Z

My head is a mess too, Im going to punish it by sitting home alone and getting drunk. Fuck you brain, fuck you heart, fuck you sou... How do I even know I have a soul?

Fark

2008-10-16T13:58:51Z

I hate my hormones. Or whatever imbalance it is that makes me feel shit. Im pretty dark tonight. I have all the motivation of a pancake - But I dont look or taste as good.

I just feel like everything is on top of me and its all too hard so I should just give up. I feel like people are conspiring against me and specifically dont like me even though I KNOW Im a good person.

I dont like this. I know it'll pass, but in the meantime I feel rotten and waste time that is precious when I have so much to do...

longing

2008-10-12T10:24:16Z

I wish I had a best best friend like kids do in old story books. I want to be one of the famous five... or a character from some other enid blyton book... Im so lonely

Plodding along

2008-10-07T10:17:50Z

Ive been designing a lot lately. I have made a dress and a couple of skirts. I think keeping busy is good at the moment. A girl I used to dance with has started doing peep shows - she told me that I should have a go. I dont really know if I should or not. I actually think it'd be kinda fun (provided they cant touch me/talk to me), the only problem I would have with it would be how small Perth is... and the high likelihood of seeing someone I know...

Something to think about though!

Im slowly getting my classical body back. I have great calf muscles and getting a stronger back again. Yay Ballet!

I have found myself a sex-buddy. Its weird. Ive ALWAYS had full on relationships before. They usually start off as sex but are almost instantly a 2 or more year relationship. This is... interesting. As long as I dont fall for him. I dont think I will though.

Question: This is something that has always puzzled me in being bi and leaning both ways - to what extent is it cheating? I had a boyfriend who I was with two years but he didnt mind if I hooked up with girls cos he knew it was more a physical thing. I only tested how far that went once when I slept with a girl while we were together. - What are your thoughts?

death - loss - finale

2008-10-01T04:42:42Z

A friend of mine hung herself. This is opening so many old wounds.

This bitch is banana's B-A-N-A... you know the rest

2008-09-17T09:53:27Z

Its official. Im psycho. I threw a brick through his car window. Saw him while out and smashed of my tits. With his new 12 yr old girlfriend. And I, uhhh. Ermmm.......

....... Overreacted?

...... Then ran as fast as my barbie heels would carry me.

update - generalist

2008-09-10T03:53:52Z

I went to dancing today for the first time in ages. We have a recital (optional) coming up and while I dont want to be in it anyway I know I couldnt handle it now Im so far behind AND I have a stress fracture.

Plus, one of the little ballerinette's (get this) told me I was "too old". Im 22 for pete's sake, and Im not trying to become a prima ballerina. I had juicy images of running her over after class n my mind. moohahaha.

I was practicing at home and accidentally kicked a hole in the hallway wall. Oops. Scared of what my real estate agent will say.

I want to buy pretty things for my house but alas am too broke.

Have THE massivest crush on a girl in my ballet class. She's just doing some classes while she's over here dancing with a contemporary dance group... She is Russian. Her name is ACTUALLY svetlana... and she looks like a porcelain doll... OG GOD I WANT HER SO MUCH! So much that Im going to go and listen to TATU haha!